Diary,
Under no circumstances would I consider myself a relationship expert. I mean, I’m the guy who can’t go past one date.
I have my own reasons — well, more like justifications — why I can’t maintain commitment past a very short expiry date. But I’m not alone.
Even people who meet their “soulmates” often times end up calling it quits after very brief periods.
Whatever the length of an involved tryst, there will always be a heartbreak once the honeymoon is over.
Lots of chocolate consumed and tonnes of beer downed amid a torrent of tears. But there’s a way you can save yourself all that trouble. It’s a trick that works, if only some of the time. It’s called red flags.
People flash them all the time, and it is prudent to know how to spot them and save yourself the eventual heartache.
A female friend of mine once overheard her date on the phone, arguing with his mother about his undone laundry.
His mother had apparently not seen to it at the man’s appointed time. A man with mummy issues already has one woman he’s committed to. Unless you want to play third wheel, run as fast as your legs can take you.
I once went on a date with a woman who purported to be single, and by all accounts she seemed to be. That misconception lasted until later on when she received a call. The conversation took an uncomfortable turn when she and her caller began discussing groceries.
“That’s my roommate,” she exclaimed, then went to say they had been dating but not anymore. “I’ve moved on, but I don’t think Ed has.”
The only reason I persevered to the conclusion of our date was because I had no intention of taking matters farther than that night. Otherwise, that would’ve been my cue to run for the hills.
Then there are those who complain about everything, and if they don’t find something to complain about, they make something up so they can complain about it.
I’ve never understood the compulsive need to be miserable. Life is a mixed bag of good and bad. If all a person perceives is on the worse side of the spectrum, that’s a crimson-red flag.
Generally, superficial people give me the heebie-jeebies. The need to always be wearing designer brands, fancy watches and letting everyone know within minutes of meeting that someone went to a “Group of Schools”.
A certain colleague of mine always said he never owned a car for more than a year, and it always had to be some expensive model. A love for material things is okay if one can afford them, but it doesn’t bode well for times when such possessions are no longer available. It also calls for a partner to always keep with the Johnsons, as the Americans like to phrase it.
Of course, I have limited space to list all the red flags I can think of, but it’s important to state one last thing. There’s a computer acronym stated ‘WYSIWYG’ (what you see is what you get). This should be the cardinal rule in establishing relationships.
First impression is key. If the man smokes, the woman drinks or they are sloppy housekeepers, that’s who you get. Don’t shack up under the illusion of “changing” someone to suit your needs.
Take your mess and make peace with it.
