MODERN MUM: Be your sister’s keeper

I have only come to the realisation recently that women don’t tell each other everything. Things that would help younger women on their path to motherhood and wifehood. I have had to learn most things on my own when I didn't have to. I could have been mentally prepared if my sisters and female relatives shared with me the truth behind their experiences.

Some of my cousins were married in the 90s, a time when girls were taught the arts of marriage before the wedding. I just got married and everyone said “bye” after lunch. I had to learn it all by myself.

I taught myself how to care for a partner and to keep a home. I taught myself conflict resolution when I disagreed with my partner. I learnt that cleaning and dishwashing took up more than 50 per cent of what a marriage entailed.

I have made it my life’s mission to inform my unmarried nieces of this. Sometimes they do not take me seriously, but at least they will remember somebody tried to tell them the truth. Overhyping young women on the ideologies of love and having babies without relaying the fundamentals of what these phases really entail is a betrayal of the sisterhood.

My sisters would push the agenda of me having a second child when I was already struggling with my first. Now that I have my second and tell them of my struggles, they would reminisce about their struggles, too. Or they would tell me how they can never ever go through this again.

My question is: Why didn't they tell me before? Surely they knew this and could have given me sufficient warning and information for me to make an informed decision. Why echo my struggles now?

Women have a habit of hiding medical issues from each other as well. We do not talk enough amongst ourselves about feminine problems, hormones, effects of childbirth, prolapses or sex postpartum. We keep hiding our issues from each other and maintain this outward appearance of everything being picture-perfect. 

When I told my former nanny about the birth of my second child, she told me how the doctor told her she cannot have another child because of growths in the uterus. I told her I have them, too, and in fact, it was during the C-section that the doctor removed a big myoma from my uterus. Such a simple transfer of information should not be shameful to share between women.

The sisterhood is an important circle to preserve and protect its members. Women need to be more open when discussing feminine issues to each other, not to enforce competition but to inform and educate each other on issues that affect us equally. Helping each other will make our lives as wives and mothers a little easier.