BACHELOR’S DIARY: Pray before you do it

Dear Diary,

I like watching Elon Musk test his rockets. I’m sure some of you do, too, but I enjoy it more when they blow up mid-air. I know it’s wrong to root for failure, but there’s an innate thing inside all of us that makes us cheer when others fail to hit their goals.

That’s why people love videos of other people tumbling down the stairs or falling from horses of trying to learn how to ride a bicycle and ending up in the bushes.

But unlike most of you, it’s like I get punished for it. Right when I get to the cusp of success, something comes around and messes it all up.

Take last night, for instance. My temporary roommate Jenny… You know her, the one who is so saved, sometimes I fear I’ll walk into the house and find her conversing with Jesus. She and I were having a rare dinner together.

We were both early from work. I didn’t have a date and she didn’t have a fellowship or any other church activity scheduled. Usually, I look for anything to do to get out of the house and away from her and her Bible. Anything at all. I could even volunteer to wash a stranger’s car just to be out of there.

Last night I was too tired, so we decided to cook and eat in. Nothing fancy. I made stew while she prepared ugali. And I’ll give it to Jenny. She’s a damn good cook, and her ugali tastes like no other.

We ended up having a very good conversation during and after dinner, steering away from explosive topics like feminism and religion, and sticking to experiences at work and such.

After eating, I suggested we have wine. Surprisingly, she agreed.

“You know about Jesus’ first miracle, right?” she asked me.

“Damn skippy, I do,” I said. “He turned water into wine.”

As we drunk, we got round to the topic of the wars in the world.

“Does it feel to you like humans are always trying to annihilate themselves off the face of the earth?” Jenny asked.

I agreed. “We’re the only species that uses our intelligence to produce more advanced and devastating means of killing each other.”

She thought about it for a while, then she leaned really close to my face and said, “Sometimes I feel like we’re only wasting time here.”

“Here? In this living room?”

“On earth. Like we spend too much chasing the wrong things. Maybe we should just live in the moment.”

“You’re very right. I think—“

I didn’t get to finish because right then she kissed me. Maybe it was the wine or maybe it did happen, but I saw stars exploding in the sky. Or maybe it was so unexpected that my brain didn’t know how to react. What is for certain is that we made out for a while, then she held my hand and led me to the bedroom.

When she got by the bed, she fell to her knees and pulled me down with her.

“Uhm…” I stammered. “What’s going on?”

“Shhh! If we’re going to do this, we need to pray about it. We need to ask for forgiveness.”

“Doesn’t that usually come after?”

“Before is better. We’re not hypocrites. Close your eyes.” I did. She started, “Dear Lord, you know your children better than we know ourselves. We pray for your guidance in this moment of weakness. If what we’re about to do does not please you in any way, show us a sign. If not…

She trailed off and I waited a whole minute for her to finish. She didn’t, so I opened my eyes. She had blacked out. And that was that.