JIJI NDOGO: As usual, Sophia delivers, and has fun at it

I no longer care that Inspector Tembo needs the animal so that a witch can brew him an elixir that will slow down his ageing so that he doesn’t retire early.

I don’t care that he’s my father-in-law and I need to please him so that my wife Sophia and I can go back to being in good terms.

“Sir,” I turn to him and say, “there are other ways to keep you from retiring early.”

“Yeah?” he says, looking like a death row inmate about to receive a reprieve from the President. “How come you never said this before?”

“Because, sir, it is illegal and I have sworn to uphold the law.”

“We are hunting illegally for a skunk, Makini, and you are still afraid of breaking the law?”

“Well, with all due respect, you kind of roped me into this, sir. I felt like I didn’t have a choice. To suggest it seemed worse.”

“Whatever.” He listens keenly. “What do you have in mind?”

“You could change the date of birth on your ID. Make yourself younger.”

He scoffs. “You think I haven’t thought of that? An ID alone does nothing. I’d have to change every single paperwork all over again.”

That hits me like a tonne of bricks.

“What do you mean ‘all over again’? You mean you’ve done it before?”

He averts my gaze.

“Only to shave a couple years off,” he says. “No biggie.”

“So, that’s why you can’t do it again. And the reason for this fool’s errand.”

He glares at me.

“Who are you calling a fool, boy? You need to watch your mouth when addressing your senior, you hear me? One phone call and tomorrow you’ll be lining up for Kazi Kwa Vijana, if not sitting in a police cell in Central.”

I can’t take this anymore.

“Sir, I don’t believe you’re in a position to threaten me after everything you’ve told me about yourself.”

He stands up too fast, smacks his head against the top of the tent.

Rubbing his balding spot, he roars, “You think you can blackmail me? Huh? Just wait until we get back to the office. Then we’ll see who’s who.”

Just as I’m about to come up with a rejoinder, we both freeze at the sound of an engine.

“You hear that?” Tembo whispers.

“Motorcycle?” I wonder.

We slink out of the tent and into two powerful headlights.

“Hands up!” a woman commands through the darkness. “Put them up or I shoot you where you stand.”

Tembo and I raise our hands.

“Do you know it’s illegal to hunt without a permit?” the woman continues.

I point to Tembo.

“He made me do it,” I blabber. “I swear he did.”

“You’re toast, Makini,” Tembo hisses.

“Enough!” the woman shouts. “Both of you are going to jail.”

Then she laughs aloud, her cackles echoing through the night. When she steps into the light, Inspector Tembo and I sigh and drop our hands.

“Sophia,” Tembo cries out. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Serves you right,” she says, still laughing.

“How did you find us?” I ask.

“You two cowards were barely a hundred metres inside the forest. But, anyway, you’re my cowards and I don’t want you arrested for this. C’mon, let’s go home.”

“But the skunk,” I protest.

“Beat you to that, too. It’s in a bag at home.”

I step up to her and whisper, “You caught a skunk?”

“Not just any skunk, a pregnant skunk.”