MODERN MUM: One woman, two different mums

For some silly reason, to my inexperienced mind, I always imagined this saying to apply to older kids. Those who knew what they wanted or because they had different personalities, often prompting the parent to change how they parent from one child to the next, depending on the particular child's needs.

I never imagined that the experience of raising two children would literally differ from birth. There is a certain naivety and excitement with the first. With my first birth, my body snapped back into shape and energy within weeks. With my second, even at the ninth month mark, I still feel broken down and more exhausted than ever. By virtue of age and tiredness, I am two different parents to my children. The type of mother I was with my first baby is nothing like the type of mother I am today.

A lot of factors have affected my parenting. Age, of course, financial situation and more importantly, having support. I had a lot more support when I had my first baby than I do now. Being responsible for two children and the physical labour that comes with that is taxing on my ageing bones.

More importantly, parenting differs because the children are different. My firstborn hardly cried and was an awful sleeper. My second one is a moaner (not really a crier) and sleeps pretty well. Because I lived with people and I had a lot of help, my firstborn was pretty independent from a young age. The second is essentially a velcro baby (one who constantly craves physical closeness).

I can’t help but compare as my second one is hitting those milestones that often excite parents. I find myself reminiscing or trying to remember how it was with the first child. The nine-month sleep regressions with my second son are pretty mild compared to the hell I went through with the eldest. He also has four teeth at nine months, whereas his brother barely had two. Also, none of the miraculous teething solutions I applied with my first child work with my second.

By the eighth month, the baby had already shown signs of early walking and a faster development than his brother did. As such, my parenting techniques have had to be altered or I have to come up with new approaches to raising my second born as I try to meet him at his developmental milestone regardless of age. I look back at my parenting journey and realise that even though my children do not have a big age gap, they certainly have two different versions of the same mum.