Mark Twain said, “Man is the only animal that blushes — or needs to.” More importantly, he also said, “Of all the animals, man is the only one that lies.”
According to the fabled writer, what separates us from animals is our ability to be deceitful. That is a very strong argument against stuff like relationships, which rely on trust, which means telling the truth.
It’s impossible to live a life completely devoid of lies. Let’s start with the innocent, harmless fibs.
“How do I look in this dress?” If you know she really wants that dress, the only answer is, “Fabulous, darling,” even if you know she looks like ham wrapped in satin.
What about that time your significant other asks, “Do you think my friend is beautiful?”
It doesn’t matter that the friend she’s referring to is Sarah Hassan. If you say something insinuating, even slightly, that there is the slenderest possibility that a tiny part of her friend might be minimally likeable, you’re in trouble.
“What, babe? Seriously, I can’t tell you I’ve noticed her.” That’s the right answer. It doesn’t matter that when she’s around, all you do is gawk at her.
Human beings have been so accustomed to lie that we only tell the truth if it’s absolutely not necessary to lie, or there is no lie appropriate for the occasion.
A woman will buy a new dress and wear it to a party. Then a person will compliment her: “What a beautiful dress! I’m so jealous of how you know what will fit you just so.”
She’ll blush and say, “Oh, you mean this old thing? I usually rummage in the closet and slap whatever catches my eye.”
And that’s from a woman who spent three hours in the mall, trying on a hundred different dresses, and only after the shop owner was wheeled away in an ambulance after finally going insane did the woman settle on one.
The day I find a man who tells the truth about his bank account balance, that’s the day I’ll know we have aliens walking among us and they are yet to be fully familiarised with our customs.
Doesn’t matter whether a man is dirt poor or a billionaire (Trump, anyone?), every man is richer than he really is. So is the size of his manhood.
Two things keep relationships going: the ability to tell a lie, and the quality of the said lie. You must be good in at least one of them, otherwise you’ll be labelled stuff like loser and deadbeat.
If you are too good in at least one of them, that’s bad. You get labelled a player. You also cannot be good at both of these qualities. The ability to always tell a very good lie makes you a psychopath.
